Tag Archives: family

14 zile intensive. Ziua 8

Ok, astazi o sa va explic de ce azi am mancat cam toate leftovers-urile (resturile).
Nu sunt ecologista, nu triez gunoiul, las apa sa curga, poluez aerul mergand cu masina, nu sunt vegetariana, nu ii condamn pe aia de poarta blanuri (si probabil ca daca as primi vreuna cadou, as purta-o), si cu siguranta ignor cu buna stiinta ca ma imbrac cu haine fabricate in cine stie ce conditii, si cel mai posibil de catre copii de varsta lu’ fii-mea!
Da, imi asum toate astea si probabil multe altele! Dar in toata nenorocirea asta care zace in mine, s-a nascut un principiu, unul singur.
Imaginea copilului aluia murind/mort de foame cu vulturii asteptand hoitul, care a inconjurat planeta cu ceva ani in urma, m-a tulburat atat de tare incat si acum ma bantuie! In completarea acestei fotografii mi-a mai dat o palma si #VictorHugo cu al sau roman #Mizerabilii, roman care descrie atat de bine saracia si degradarea umana incat mi se pare cea mai mare batjocura pe care o pot aduce omenirii si naturii, aruncand mancare.
Doar atata pot sa fiu de #eco! Deocamdata!

#micdejun paine #faragluten cu crema de branza light, rosii cherry si ardei iute

#pranz supa phu phu, phi phi, pho pho, luata la pachet alalteri, portia lu’ cumatra! Si…o mana (mica) de home made cartofi prajiti…fii-mea face pijama party si nah…ce sa le fac daca nu cartofi…si nu, nu am rezistat! Nu e dulce si nu e nici gluten… nu se incadreaza tocmai bine in “intensiv”, dar macar nu va mint 🙂

#cina supa de pui facuta marti, data in fiert azi si a fost super buna! 🙂

Got to go…am de supravegheat doua caprite!!!

14 zile intensive. Ziua 7

#micdejun 2 felii paine #faragluten, unt de arahide si dulceata de afine #farazahar. Cel mai misto la aceste doua produse e ca sunt chiar naturale, fara indulcitori artificiali, in cazul dulcetei, doar fructoza din afine, evident.

#pranz supa de pui cu taietei de orez pe care mi-am luat-o ieri la pachet! Da, iau mereu la pachet, pentru ca mi se pare ca risipa de mancare chiar e bataie de joc contra naturii. Si am luat si jumatatea de portie curry cu pui a lu’ cumatra Diana Ionescu 🙂 Si cum lu’ Printi a mea ii era pofta de indian ca ar manca in fiecare zi curry, astazi, doar ce am trecut strada la Taj sa ne porcim cu niste sosulete.

#cina branza in sos de ceapa, legume picante si orez simplu.

La pranz am mancat o patratica, doar una, de ciocolata neagra #farazahar.

I’m half way there!! Yuhuuu🏋🏋🏋

14 zile intensive. Ziua 6

20180117_094628Cat sunt varcolac (vezi explicatia in #ziua5), ma rasfat! Nu zahar, nu gluten, macar niste grasimi :)))
Azi am inceput ziua in intarziere, am oprit involuntar cele trei alarme si m-am trezit la 7h29 (in conditiile in care trebuie sa iesim din casa la 7h40). Nu stiu cum am facut, dar la 7h55 eram la scoala! #supermom
Evident, eu am amanat micul dejun, iar fii-mea a mancat o banana pe drum!
Dar m-am intors si mi-am pregatit ceva delicios, apetisant si nutritiv. Am stat 30 minute, eu cu mine, am mancat, m-am bucurat de mine, mi-am baut cafeaua si am multumit pentru tot ceea ce am in momentul asta.
Odata devenita feng-sushi, toate au mers bine:)
Am avut o zi interesanta, cu un vibe al naibii de pozitiv, feelingul ala de…I have been waiting all of my life, gen:) dar asta este alta poveste pentru o alta zi 🎲🎲🎲.

#micdejun ou posat pe painica #faragluten, cascaval bio de pe Valea Oltului, rosii cherry, ardei iute, si inca o painica cu dulceata #farazahar sa mearga cafeaua:)

#pranz 3 linguri de supa din aia fara taietei (nu mai pun inca o data poza cu ea), si cateva linguri de mazare (fara carne).


#cina piept de rata in stil vietnamian cu taietei simpli de orez.



Imi luasem si o supa dar am luat-o la pachet, imposibil sa mai mananci ceva dupa rata aia!
#haicapot au trecut 6, mai am 8 si ma pregatesc pt etapa 2!


Yes, I am alive!

Indeed, I am alive, maybe for the first time in life I really feel alive! It’s been a looong time since I’ve felt the need to write down my thoughts, but as I had stated in the first place, writing was my auto- therapy. Let’s say I haven’t felt the need for therapy for the past few months… like…since …last September, I think…

Maybe you wonder why! I’ll tell but not right away because so many thing have happened in my life that I don’t even know how to start. Remember my summertime? Well, I think you do, since it’s been my best viewed post 🙂 That gave me a lot of confidence, my great summertime and all the changes that came after that.

Ok, I’m not gonna push your patience: I became a singer! A payed one! A real one! Like in….people pay me to sing for them!! With real money, not monopoly money nor invisible money! People actually pay ME to sing for them! Hope the IRS doesn’t read this :)))))) ( dear IRS, I dream a lot, don’t take me serious) :))))

It all started with a desire! MY DESIRE! the desire to do what I want, to be in front of a public, expressing myself through music! So, after a marathon of WEEDS and Modern Family I started to take things very seriously! I began forming a REPERTOIRE, mostly of Romanian Folklore and Traditional music, two genres I had never thought to perform! But this was my rope, remember the rope from my previous posts? If not, get your ass reading! So I knew I could have a chance with traditional music because our Romanian Community here in France is enlarging every day, and of course we get married here, we baptize our children here, we celebrate our anniversaries here, and it’s our custom to have live singers for our celebrations and I may say that there is quite a demand. Practically I knocked at some doors… literally… where I knew they collaborate with singers.. After some unopened doors from the French side, I began knocking at Romanian doors… and guess what… it opened… and this is how everything began… with one open door at a Romanian restaurant… and my intuition told me to knock at the best door, so I went straight to THE top Romanian restaurant in Paris… and apparently I was exactly what they needed 🙂 MAKTUB! Right person in the right place at the right moment! When it’s written to happen, it will happen!

You will never guess what happened. The more I began discovering my traditional Romanian music, the more I fell in love with this genre of music, a music that I had never had the patience to understand, the capacity of penetrating beneath its simple yet powerful lyrics. I knew I have reached that age of understanding life in a different manner. Our folklore speaks about that simple and happy life! It speaks of love, of nature, of faith… of a life surrounded by family, sharing all that God has given you.

One thing led to another and private parties turned into public shows, public shows into live concerts, from restaurants to theaters and even big open air scenes like Festival of Europe where I had the honor to represent Romania last Sunday (may 22nd). Let me put it this way… I haven’t had an weekend off since the beginning of the year – my official launch was for the NYE party 🙂

I really can’t describe you my big start. It’s only the beginning and I realize I’ve climbed my rope so high that I can see a lot from above. There is a hell of a way until I will reach the top, but I will get some day! The most important thing is that I grabbed my rope…and, boy…I’m holding to it like my life would depend on it!

Yes, it’s hard, and yes, you gotta do great sacrifices…and YES, they will try to pull you down…every single day! And you might get “bullied” and you might get hit, but like my old friend Rocky Balboa said… “it doesn’t matter how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and still go on…” Here’s to you, Balboa!

But you learn to deal with everything, as long as you keep your faith and self confidence. Nourish yourself with the positive sides and don’t even pay attention to negativity! Close your eyes in front of the evil and it will disappear. Open your heart for all the Good to come to you and your hungry soul will receive the light. Then follow that light and share it with the rest of the world!

Create your own circle of happiness! And happiness will always come back!







Adult vs. Teenager

As I have always said I’ll always try to inspire myself from things that happen around me. Writing about how you see things can’t be any better. Trying to invent stuff it’s not always as good as Andersen fairy tales…

Today I chose to write about growing up and how we change our perceptions. Why?

Because I have never thought that I could really grow up and change my mentalities. When I was a teenager, I did it all… beginning with the age of 13… I bloomed early… too early… let’s say my family had to stay awake many nights… especially my grandma’ 🙂

Well, maybe grandma’ is not the best example as she still stays up until I get home (when I’m Home) even though I’m 27, married with children and I live half the continent away.

But I remember my mother… I couldn’t get it why did one hour (or two or three, or the whole night long) counted so much. What was the big deal if I were home at 1 a.m. or at 7 a.m.  And there were those long talks afterwards… and the threats, and then the screaming… and everything was on repeating twice a week at least 🙂

And I just couldn’t get it… why such a big deal?

And then… the great search…hidden under the cleaning pretext,   my backpack, my pocket… my desk… everything was under the search warrant of my grandma’s. CSI couldn’t do better than my grandma. So you see, all these stuff made me do it more on more…hide more and more, being more and more rebel, just to show everybody that I was the most stubborn, and I was the boss of myself and that it’s me who decides and not them! Short… I was teenager… first generation of teenagers with internet access and first generations with mobile phones (in Romania), and no talking about not selling smoke and booze to minors… it was Romania after the Revolution… we were the free generations… and God, how we took advantage of that…

Yeah… so, things weren’t easy… for my family, but they they sure were great for me 🙂

I have always been the kind of person that lives for the moment… I’m afraid of dying and not did it all… I try to do all my guilty pleasures, I try to taste a bit of everything… I need it! I need it for my soul, I need it for my inspiration, I need it like the air I breathe… so I have always said that if something is to happen, it will happen anyway, no matter how much we try to avoid it, so… being careful was not on of my strongest points. Plus, I have always considered that I’ve remained at 17… I don’t see myself as a 27 year old. I still do teenage stuff and I’m still a teenage dreamer… fuck, I still watch cartoons…that is even lower…

In French psychology they even invented a name for it… from adult and adolescent … they came up with adulescent. Yeah… so, normally, I have always seen myself as someone who would get along with teenagers… hey girl, kinda 🙂  And not only getting along, but also, understand them, agree with them… defend them… because I see too much parents complaining about the teenage of their children like the WWIII.

As I became a mother, things wanted to change a bit, but I kept on going with my idea of freedom… hell, I even let my 4 old daughter go on a one day trip with her school all by herself… (I went on all my one day school trips accompanied by grandma’ and occasionally by my mom also, until I was 11…) So, I’m very open minded… Fuck, I listen to Lana del Rey and I adore This is what makes us girls.

But… as I have said before, things aren’t always as they seem… We can all do the talking, but when life puts you face to face to a situation, never take for granted how you might react.

Fate made it happen that I watch a 14 year old teenage this week… one of my best friend’s daughter. Yeah, sure…no problem… I love the girl, she’s bright, she’s talented, and she adores me… and I’m sure her parents over react when they say she’s difficult… so why not, how hard can it be?… As long as she takes the shower by herself, eats alone and she gets dressed alone, I have no problem…

Two days went smooth… I tried to do all her pleasures, I took her with me at work, we had breakfast on a pretty isle on the Seine with sun bathing our faces… I cooked her what she wanted… I let her use her phone as long as she wanted, and not confiscate it at 10 p.m. as her mother instructed… you see, I tried to be cool…. The cool big sister or the favorite auntie style… I have never had that so I know it’s a joy to have someone like this… it’s like I was 14 again with stories about boyfriends who call to often or they don’t call at all, with a special ring that worth nothing but has a huge sentimental value because her best friends wears the same one 🙂

And then, one evening… I noticed something fishy (fishy in my fucked up mind)… I won’t say anything about the subject matter, because her parents might read this so, I don’t her to get in trouble for nothing… Mom and Dad, chill, everything’s OK, nothing to worry about! It’s about me, not about her:)

Short: I was too curious about something in her phone and I was shocked to see she won’t give me the code to unlock it!

Yes, in that moment I realized how worried I was. You’ll say… it’s not your child… no, it’s worse… her parents trusted me 100% to let her with me, so I was responsible for her… 100%. Then I knew the feeling of my grandma’ when she searched everywhere.. I wanted to know what she is hiding… obviously if she’s hiding something, it’s something bad!!! It can’t be any good if she’s hiding… why doesn’t she trust me to tell me what is it about?? And when she gave me the … It’s my business, not yours, I was on fire!!!

And, yes, I have started reacting as an old adult, forgetting in that instant all my teenage years!! I did the talk, I did the threats… blackmail, everything… just to know what is happening!!! I started giving her lectures, when in fact I was the one that needed the lecture! What the fuck was wrong with me??? In an instant I forgot all about hey girl and Lana del Rey and everything… I was an adult giving the talk to a teenager!

Then, I saw her… she was so sad that broke my heart in two… I then realize.. What have I done… yes it’s true, I was afraid… what if she had in mind to run away or something?? Can you imagine that happen? See, I start think immediately at worst possible. Why? Why do we start thinking at the worst when we grow older?

When have I lost that feeling that everything’s gonna be ok? When did I grow up that fast?

And to make things worst possible… the thing she was hiding me was so unimportant and meaningless that made feel even lower than I was already feeling.

I realized that teenagers act just like a normal human being. They feel the need to have things for their own. They have business that they want to keep out the reach of someone… They even hide things from their best friends.. It’s not like they have something with adults… it’s just like you and me! I eat that cake without anyone seeing me! It’s my secret! (Not anymore, obviously). My grandma’ keeps an economy account without the knowledge of my grandpa’ … and I’m sure he’s doing the same thing! I have a special place when I go from time to time to read and meditate, and I have never took my husband with me! It’s my place, my secret place and I want to keep it that way! Am I doing something wrong? Am I bad wife??And you can go on with your own examples!! I’m sure you have plenty. Yes, we feel the need to have something of our own. It’s in our nature!! So why can’t teenagers have their own business??

It took me a while till I finally got it… she has the right to keep her things for herself. And yes it should be enough when they say you can trust them ‘cause it’s nothing important! How can you demand their trust if you don’t give yours?? It’s simple, actually… forbidding something it’s like inflame them more to do it! Having the attitude of the grown up who knows all it’s even worse! Yeah, you knew it… but it seems now you are forgetting… And please, I don’t wanna hear about that stupid theory that kids should learn from parents’ mistakes… not a chance… if you think you’ll go on telling stories about how you did this and the bad consequences that fallowed, hoping your child will be too afraid of doing it… you’re really wrooooong 🙂 It’s logical… your child sees you live and well so he’ll think that if you made it out alive… so will he:)

So, why is this happening? Why do we forget our wild teenage years and we always have this conflict between generations? Why are we so fearful and so trustless? What happens that makes us be this way… is this growing up?? Live a hell when your daughter goes on a date for the first time? Remember your first date?? ……. I thought so… you hold hands 🙂 )

So, whose fault is it? Society? When it rains with predictions from everybody as they were fucking Nostradamus?? Media? That empoisons us with rapes and thefts and kidnaps’ and car accidents? Family? With everybody starts giving you lectures on how to raise YOUR child…

Stop being afraid! Life is too short! If it is to happen something bad it will happen no matter how much you will cocoon your child! I am a mother and it took me a while to decide letting my daughter alone on that one day trip! So, I know the feeling. But I’m trying to remember more of my years as child and as teenager and think less about my mental and social inheritance.

And yeah…. Thank you girl for teaching me an important lessons this week!

Remember: you were a teenager once 🙂

I miss doing nothing and I miss doing everything

2013-08-06 22.08.11My home sky

I don’t know if it’s my bipolarity I think I have or the fact that today marks 2 years in Paris, or the fact that once again I’m gonna change the house where I live, but I’m feelin’ melancholic. Geez, I go too easy when I say melancholic. I feel like throwing myself in front of the train. I miss home… I miss stability, I miss being sure about tomorrow. I miss those days when rent was a word out of my vocabulary… I miss doing nothing and I miss doing everything I want.

I miss those long summer nights and the smell of the Queen of the Night flower in my grandma’s balcony. I miss those long walks with my best friends until the sunrise was sayin’ hello. I miss layin’ in bed until noon and go swimming at night. I miss the smell of a homemade apple pie and a fresh lemonade. I miss the heat melting my heart and I miss my heart being hot. I miss chasing my dreams and running to catch the stars! I miss the taste of one real tomato and the salty old cheese. I miss the freedom of childhood and I miss skipping school just to hang around… I miss the way I thought about life and I miss how life taught me around. I miss my years I have lost and I miss the time I had to lose. I miss me and I miss them…

I miss the morning sun shining above my window and I miss taking a nap if my eyes were closing. I miss the joy of a Kinder Surprise and I miss the taste of stolen apples. I miss how easy life was and I miss how hard school seemed to be. I miss being there and I miss wishing to be here! I miss the Sunday meals when we were all together and I miss the days when we missed each other. I miss the cherry blossom scent around the block and I miss the odor of the freshly cut lawn…

I miss hide and seek and I miss not hiding from those who seek. I miss the games we used to play and I miss not playin’ someone else’s game. I miss believing in my dreams and I miss not stopping to dream. I miss the way I saw myself and I miss not hating the self today. I miss having the courage to jump and I miss not livin’ on the edge. I miss belonging somewhere and I miss not being everywhere. I miss when everything was possible and I miss not the impossible.

I miss doing nothing I miss doing everything…


As I stated it before… you always appreciate what you have/had after you lose it. I used the two forms of present and past tense because sometimes you can’t take back what you have lost, sometimes you can’t click “undo”.

As I’m sitting in my old room back in my hometown (where I’m spending my brief Easter Holidays), I can’t stop thinking of all the things I’ve lived here. It’s hard having to know you are thousands of miles away from home, away from family and friends, away from the places so close to your heart and mind.

There’s not a day that goes by, without me thinking of how my life would had been if I was still here. This is the place where my grandfather told me hundreds of bedtime stories, stimulating my mind and my imagination, where he taught me how  to read and write, this is where he opened my gates to the universe. He gave the most precious gift: the thirst of knowledge. This is where I’ve first learned that life is made of changes which we are obliged to accept when I cried for leaving kindergarten to go to school. Here, I felt the first butterflies in my stomach when I had my first kiss and here I have drowned myself in tears when I had my heart broken for the first time! It’s here where there are the persons most sacred to me who have raised me and the mirrors where I have watched myself grown. This is where I was born and these are my roots.

Can you tell me if there is any possible way to forget your roots? Can distance cut out your roots? We know roots go deep… they disperse in width and length… but what do you do when there are so tightened and the pressure is so high? Like an elastic band that you keep trying to enlarge… and you keep trying… and you pull harder and harder… you know the elastic band is strong… it can’t brake… but it becomes thinner and thinner with every pull… you can’t let go, even if you know the tension gets higher and higher… you know that if one end will give up, the other end will get hurt…

I’m afraid to let go of my end… even though the tension and the pressure is high, the feeling that I belong somewhere is keeping my head sane. I need to feel that I belong somewhere. I need my roots. I need to know that I have one place where I can always return and feel safe no matter what. That’s why home is irreplaceable.

When I first left home for the Big City, at 17, I thought I was gonna live in Paradise. No one to control me, no one to tell me when should I get home, no one to tell me what to wear, no one to go talk to the teachers, no one to wait for me at 5 a.m. in the morning threatening me never to go out again, no one to tell me clean my room, no one to push me eat my soup… but instead… there was no one to care for me, no one to guide me, no one to advise me, no one to convince the teacher that I was skipping school because I was sick (and not that I was gone in vacation), no one to make me a tea at 5 a.m. in the morning when I was sick, no one to help me clean my room, no one to wait for me with a hot soup.

The illusion of freedom was fading fast as I was trying to cut out my roots, intentionally. Freedom comes with responsibilities, as the basis of democracy states. That is way you need way more time to be well cooked before we set out to go on your own. How do you know you’re ready to take off? When it’s the hardest thing to do! When you realize how much you will miss your nest!

Years have passed and destiny wanted me to go farther and farther… and I left in search of my destiny. I know it’s out there, that’s why it’s called destiny, it’s a sure thing you will find it someday… but I think the search is the greatest gift of all. The adventure, the unknown, the thrill of a new clue, the hopes and dreams, the failures and the dead ends, the new routes to discover and the thousands of possibilities. And the strengths comes from your roots. That keeps me strong. Sometimes I feel them like the rubber band that keeps putting pressure on me, but sometimes there are like the wooden roots of an old oak tree supporting all my weight! My roots are my spinal cord. You can’t live without your spinal cord to support you. Once broken, you’ve lost your stability. You lose yourself. 

My roots are my inspiration, my background, my past, they have made who I am today and they keep growing to support the woman of tomorrow.

Adam Sandler

So, my little one today is Adam Sandler. I have just finished watching a hilarious comedy starring this incredible guy. I love his movies. You know why? Because he manages to mix all the elements a good film should have. He sends a message using a universal language that can be understood by everybody: humor. So, well done, Adam Sandler!

Today’s movie was That’s my boy. So, apparently is just a very dirty comedy with a lot of cliches, but his unique talent is that he can turn classical cliches into really original moments. And if you have more than two neurons, you can actually read the message between the lines. For example in this movie I have just watched is talking about the relationships between parents and children. I won’t let myself trapped into the legends of the fall to believe that there are perfect families. Since God put us on Earth, kids had problems with parents, parents between parents, kids with their brothers… hell, Eve got Adam into the biggest shit ever and Cain killed Abel… or the other way around… Whatever… one brother killed the other brother!

So, we don’t have the perfect families, and maybe our parents weren’t the role models that we see in insurance or toothpaste commercials. Yeah, life sucks, it’s not the yogurt add where all the family sits in the morning and has breakfast and they kiss one other wishing a good day. Maybe some fathers are losers and alcoholics and some mothers are pitiless or whores, but… as my dear cousin said once, we can’t choose our family… wise words. Except that she continued with…but you can ignore that you have it. That’s true also, but is it really the best thing to do? At that moment I thought she was a bitch telling me this as the consequence of a fight we had (and never spoken since then…6 years or so) but when I look closely I realize that I’m the supreme bitch. Because there are also more than 5 years since I talked to my father. And it all started from money. Short: I was having the right to alimony (yeah, they are divorced since I was 2 or 3), I went directly in court without talking to him first, he was all pissed off, we fought, I won, I got the alimony, after that we fought again, this time he won… he did not come to my marriage or my daughter baptism, bla bla bla… in the mean time I gave an interview in the local press (we might say he is a sort of a public figure in the town) denigrating him… a lot… hmm, when I write it down, it seems that I wasn’t the only victim… what the fuck, Adam Sandler, what have you done with your stupid movie??? Leave my thoughts alone. I’m the victim, I’m the child. He supposed to look after me. He supposed to provide me. He supposed to be there when I needed him. He supposed to be there when he had his visiting hours and not letting me wait hours and hours on the balcony just hoping to have a glance of him!

I’m fucking pissed off!!! I’m furious!! And all my life I hated him for not loving me! Why?? What have I done?? My only mistake was to be born… I know it sounds very melodramatic, B class movie style… but sometimes life is not all A class. Life sometimes sucks! And because of our stupid pride, we let it suck even more! Because we see a little tiny lint on someone’s coat, but we don’t see the straw in our eye… see my point? Well, I don’t like where this is leading to, so I am going to stop right now with the subject… that is my father!

Than, I’ll really need a shrink! Let’s talk about my mother… or let’s save it for another time. That will be too much childhood drama in only one night and I’m no fucking Freud right now.

So, my point was, family problems exist. They are real. If we try to ignore them, they will not disappear. It will only grow deeper and deeper and you’ll end up like me: screwed up. Yeah, I don’t wanna remember my teenage wild era. I have some memories that I would not particularly want to share with… let’s say… my kid, for example? There are a lot of things going through my head right now and I find it difficult to settle at one so I think it’s better to take advantage that everyone’s asleep and just enjoy my precious moment of silence!

Sometimes that’s all you need. Just peace and quiet. I will always stand for this cause. Having time with yourself. There are moments when you just don’t wanna open your mouth and talk to anybody. You just wanna be left alone. Yeah, I’m sure those around me don’t get it much, but it doesn’t mean I’m upset, it doesn’t mean I’m tired, it doesn’t mean I’m not in the mood, it doesn’t I have my periods (those times can be really ugly), it means just I don’t feel like talking. Is that a crime? Does this make me a bad person? NO! Everyone needs a break from time to time..We’re not machines… Even the engines need to have a break, if not, they explode!!!

It’s OK to have a break. To let your mind rest and your thoughts settle down. Meditate, but in the classical way…contemplate at something not in the Osho way, where you should just… don’t think! (but if that suites you better, go for it) Living in the city gives us no time or opportunity to not hear anything, so I’ll turn down my laptop and enjoy the… silence! /