As I have always said I’ll always try to inspire myself from things that happen around me. Writing about how you see things can’t be any better. Trying to invent stuff it’s not always as good as Andersen fairy tales…
Today I chose to write about growing up and how we change our perceptions. Why?
Because I have never thought that I could really grow up and change my mentalities. When I was a teenager, I did it all… beginning with the age of 13… I bloomed early… too early… let’s say my family had to stay awake many nights… especially my grandma’ 🙂
Well, maybe grandma’ is not the best example as she still stays up until I get home (when I’m Home) even though I’m 27, married with children and I live half the continent away.
But I remember my mother… I couldn’t get it why did one hour (or two or three, or the whole night long) counted so much. What was the big deal if I were home at 1 a.m. or at 7 a.m. And there were those long talks afterwards… and the threats, and then the screaming… and everything was on repeating twice a week at least 🙂
And I just couldn’t get it… why such a big deal?
And then… the great search…hidden under the cleaning pretext, my backpack, my pocket… my desk… everything was under the search warrant of my grandma’s. CSI couldn’t do better than my grandma. So you see, all these stuff made me do it more on more…hide more and more, being more and more rebel, just to show everybody that I was the most stubborn, and I was the boss of myself and that it’s me who decides and not them! Short… I was teenager… first generation of teenagers with internet access and first generations with mobile phones (in Romania), and no talking about not selling smoke and booze to minors… it was Romania after the Revolution… we were the free generations… and God, how we took advantage of that…
Yeah… so, things weren’t easy… for my family, but they they sure were great for me 🙂
I have always been the kind of person that lives for the moment… I’m afraid of dying and not did it all… I try to do all my guilty pleasures, I try to taste a bit of everything… I need it! I need it for my soul, I need it for my inspiration, I need it like the air I breathe… so I have always said that if something is to happen, it will happen anyway, no matter how much we try to avoid it, so… being careful was not on of my strongest points. Plus, I have always considered that I’ve remained at 17… I don’t see myself as a 27 year old. I still do teenage stuff and I’m still a teenage dreamer… fuck, I still watch cartoons…that is even lower…
In French psychology they even invented a name for it… from adult and adolescent … they came up with adulescent. Yeah… so, normally, I have always seen myself as someone who would get along with teenagers… hey girl, kinda 🙂 And not only getting along, but also, understand them, agree with them… defend them… because I see too much parents complaining about the teenage of their children like the WWIII.
As I became a mother, things wanted to change a bit, but I kept on going with my idea of freedom… hell, I even let my 4 old daughter go on a one day trip with her school all by herself… (I went on all my one day school trips accompanied by grandma’ and occasionally by my mom also, until I was 11…) So, I’m very open minded… Fuck, I listen to Lana del Rey and I adore This is what makes us girls.
But… as I have said before, things aren’t always as they seem… We can all do the talking, but when life puts you face to face to a situation, never take for granted how you might react.
Fate made it happen that I watch a 14 year old teenage this week… one of my best friend’s daughter. Yeah, sure…no problem… I love the girl, she’s bright, she’s talented, and she adores me… and I’m sure her parents over react when they say she’s difficult… so why not, how hard can it be?… As long as she takes the shower by herself, eats alone and she gets dressed alone, I have no problem…
Two days went smooth… I tried to do all her pleasures, I took her with me at work, we had breakfast on a pretty isle on the Seine with sun bathing our faces… I cooked her what she wanted… I let her use her phone as long as she wanted, and not confiscate it at 10 p.m. as her mother instructed… you see, I tried to be cool…. The cool big sister or the favorite auntie style… I have never had that so I know it’s a joy to have someone like this… it’s like I was 14 again with stories about boyfriends who call to often or they don’t call at all, with a special ring that worth nothing but has a huge sentimental value because her best friends wears the same one 🙂
And then, one evening… I noticed something fishy (fishy in my fucked up mind)… I won’t say anything about the subject matter, because her parents might read this so, I don’t her to get in trouble for nothing… Mom and Dad, chill, everything’s OK, nothing to worry about! It’s about me, not about her:)
Short: I was too curious about something in her phone and I was shocked to see she won’t give me the code to unlock it!
Yes, in that moment I realized how worried I was. You’ll say… it’s not your child… no, it’s worse… her parents trusted me 100% to let her with me, so I was responsible for her… 100%. Then I knew the feeling of my grandma’ when she searched everywhere.. I wanted to know what she is hiding… obviously if she’s hiding something, it’s something bad!!! It can’t be any good if she’s hiding… why doesn’t she trust me to tell me what is it about?? And when she gave me the … It’s my business, not yours, I was on fire!!!
And, yes, I have started reacting as an old adult, forgetting in that instant all my teenage years!! I did the talk, I did the threats… blackmail, everything… just to know what is happening!!! I started giving her lectures, when in fact I was the one that needed the lecture! What the fuck was wrong with me??? In an instant I forgot all about hey girl and Lana del Rey and everything… I was an adult giving the talk to a teenager!
Then, I saw her… she was so sad that broke my heart in two… I then realize.. What have I done… yes it’s true, I was afraid… what if she had in mind to run away or something?? Can you imagine that happen? See, I start think immediately at worst possible. Why? Why do we start thinking at the worst when we grow older?
When have I lost that feeling that everything’s gonna be ok? When did I grow up that fast?
And to make things worst possible… the thing she was hiding me was so unimportant and meaningless that made feel even lower than I was already feeling.
I realized that teenagers act just like a normal human being. They feel the need to have things for their own. They have business that they want to keep out the reach of someone… They even hide things from their best friends.. It’s not like they have something with adults… it’s just like you and me! I eat that cake without anyone seeing me! It’s my secret! (Not anymore, obviously). My grandma’ keeps an economy account without the knowledge of my grandpa’ … and I’m sure he’s doing the same thing! I have a special place when I go from time to time to read and meditate, and I have never took my husband with me! It’s my place, my secret place and I want to keep it that way! Am I doing something wrong? Am I bad wife??And you can go on with your own examples!! I’m sure you have plenty. Yes, we feel the need to have something of our own. It’s in our nature!! So why can’t teenagers have their own business??
It took me a while till I finally got it… she has the right to keep her things for herself. And yes it should be enough when they say you can trust them ‘cause it’s nothing important! How can you demand their trust if you don’t give yours?? It’s simple, actually… forbidding something it’s like inflame them more to do it! Having the attitude of the grown up who knows all it’s even worse! Yeah, you knew it… but it seems now you are forgetting… And please, I don’t wanna hear about that stupid theory that kids should learn from parents’ mistakes… not a chance… if you think you’ll go on telling stories about how you did this and the bad consequences that fallowed, hoping your child will be too afraid of doing it… you’re really wrooooong 🙂 It’s logical… your child sees you live and well so he’ll think that if you made it out alive… so will he:)
So, why is this happening? Why do we forget our wild teenage years and we always have this conflict between generations? Why are we so fearful and so trustless? What happens that makes us be this way… is this growing up?? Live a hell when your daughter goes on a date for the first time? Remember your first date?? ……. I thought so… you hold hands 🙂 )
So, whose fault is it? Society? When it rains with predictions from everybody as they were fucking Nostradamus?? Media? That empoisons us with rapes and thefts and kidnaps’ and car accidents? Family? With everybody starts giving you lectures on how to raise YOUR child…
Stop being afraid! Life is too short! If it is to happen something bad it will happen no matter how much you will cocoon your child! I am a mother and it took me a while to decide letting my daughter alone on that one day trip! So, I know the feeling. But I’m trying to remember more of my years as child and as teenager and think less about my mental and social inheritance.
And yeah…. Thank you girl for teaching me an important lessons this week!
Remember: you were a teenager once 🙂