Tag Archives: time

I’m ALIVE!

Yes, I am alive!

Indeed, I am alive, maybe for the first time in life I really feel alive! It’s been a looong time since I’ve felt the need to write down my thoughts, but as I had stated in the first place, writing was my auto- therapy. Let’s say I haven’t felt the need for therapy for the past few months… like…since …last September, I think…

Maybe you wonder why! I’ll tell but not right away because so many thing have happened in my life that I don’t even know how to start. Remember my summertime? Well, I think you do, since it’s been my best viewed post 🙂 That gave me a lot of confidence, my great summertime and all the changes that came after that.

Ok, I’m not gonna push your patience: I became a singer! A payed one! A real one! Like in….people pay me to sing for them!! With real money, not monopoly money nor invisible money! People actually pay ME to sing for them! Hope the IRS doesn’t read this :)))))) ( dear IRS, I dream a lot, don’t take me serious) :))))

It all started with a desire! MY DESIRE! the desire to do what I want, to be in front of a public, expressing myself through music! So, after a marathon of WEEDS and Modern Family I started to take things very seriously! I began forming a REPERTOIRE, mostly of Romanian Folklore and Traditional music, two genres I had never thought to perform! But this was my rope, remember the rope from my previous posts? If not, get your ass reading! So I knew I could have a chance with traditional music because our Romanian Community here in France is enlarging every day, and of course we get married here, we baptize our children here, we celebrate our anniversaries here, and it’s our custom to have live singers for our celebrations and I may say that there is quite a demand. Practically I knocked at some doors… literally… where I knew they collaborate with singers.. After some unopened doors from the French side, I began knocking at Romanian doors… and guess what… it opened… and this is how everything began… with one open door at a Romanian restaurant… and my intuition told me to knock at the best door, so I went straight to THE top Romanian restaurant in Paris… and apparently I was exactly what they needed 🙂 MAKTUB! Right person in the right place at the right moment! When it’s written to happen, it will happen!

You will never guess what happened. The more I began discovering my traditional Romanian music, the more I fell in love with this genre of music, a music that I had never had the patience to understand, the capacity of penetrating beneath its simple yet powerful lyrics. I knew I have reached that age of understanding life in a different manner. Our folklore speaks about that simple and happy life! It speaks of love, of nature, of faith… of a life surrounded by family, sharing all that God has given you.

One thing led to another and private parties turned into public shows, public shows into live concerts, from restaurants to theaters and even big open air scenes like Festival of Europe where I had the honor to represent Romania last Sunday (may 22nd). Let me put it this way… I haven’t had an weekend off since the beginning of the year – my official launch was for the NYE party 🙂

I really can’t describe you my big start. It’s only the beginning and I realize I’ve climbed my rope so high that I can see a lot from above. There is a hell of a way until I will reach the top, but I will get some day! The most important thing is that I grabbed my rope…and, boy…I’m holding to it like my life would depend on it!

Yes, it’s hard, and yes, you gotta do great sacrifices…and YES, they will try to pull you down…every single day! And you might get “bullied” and you might get hit, but like my old friend Rocky Balboa said… “it doesn’t matter how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and still go on…” Here’s to you, Balboa!

But you learn to deal with everything, as long as you keep your faith and self confidence. Nourish yourself with the positive sides and don’t even pay attention to negativity! Close your eyes in front of the evil and it will disappear. Open your heart for all the Good to come to you and your hungry soul will receive the light. Then follow that light and share it with the rest of the world!

Create your own circle of happiness! And happiness will always come back!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

 

 

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Freaky Friday

Mondays

Up at 7 o’clock, prepare the kid for school, prepare yourself for work, go to work, come home, do the chores, spent time with the kid, go shopping, go to rehearsal, come home, prepare the next day, download a bunch of self-confidence crap and you don’t know how time passes without doing nothing special for yourself. If all days are like this, when on earth you could find the time to work out??? (That crossed my mind because Friday I bought myself a jogging costume on sale and I really want to use it!). I’m no freakin’ Wonder Woman! Sometimes I just need some time to myself…

I know it’s not Friday today, but this is the story that came to my mind for today…

That moment when I must choose between family and career… what will it be? I remember one time when I felt a lot of tension between me and my hubby right there next me who prefered to watch a scandal show than sort things out…

The end of January

Nobody wants to open the subject I brought up earlier on the phone, during my rehearsals. Next week his family comes visit us. The problem? I can’t stay for the family dinner nor take them to the airport as planned, both because rehearsal planning! Is not that I’m crazy about them, but I know it is important to my husband.

Sometimes, I don’t like things my husband appreciate, but if it’s important to him, they matter also for me… but what do I do, when his priorities overcome mine? That’s an answer I have searched for a long time? Is this love? You give up your priorities for your partner’s? But who decides who gives up on what! He might give up as well? What the fuck will we do? We’re gonna pick the short straw? I think this chapter is called Compromises! The question is… who does what when? Fucking complicated! Everyone should do what gives him pleasure… why there must be compromises? Each of us thinks that his thing is more important than the other’s. Honestly, I’ll be even more cliché and say that the key is communication… not right now, maybe 🙂 it’s pretty tense right now. After a good night sleep, everything seems clearer! /

After a good night sleep…

…Tension has grown! Let’s say we had a stormy morning! Yelling is our family sport! Some say that yelling is not nice, neighbors hear you, the child sees you and so on. I couldn’t agree…… less! I believe yelling is damn good! Yelling releases the tension! Yelling sets free the anger inside! You yell at each other a couple of minutes and that’s it. Yelling needs a lot of energy, so, unless you’re a long distance runner, I believe couple of minutes of yelling are enough to take your breath away! I really do believe that tension kept inside can cause serious damage. A later implosion is what we call a heart attack! Let it all out! If I have something to say to my husband, it must be said! This is communication! If you leave things unsaid, it’s going to get harder and harder to be said! If you want to avoid big yelling, let the small yelling take place.

So, I was questioning compromises. Should they exist in relationship? Is there a relationship without compromises? What’s the ideal relationship? Clearly, it doesn’t exist such a thing like ideal… something, except for me :)!

I build my own ideal and it’s perfect for me! There is a saying: you are unique, just like the rest of the world! The fact that we’re unique is the sole characteristic we all have in common! Paradox, ah? Many times I wondered… how do I know that my husband is the one for me? Let’s say I was no Virgin Mary before marriage, and I have lived all the Hollywood teenage movies experiences and life has never stopped giving me precious lessons.

I have made mistakes, but I’m proud to say that I have learned from my mistakes. Every time I am about to do a stupid thing, I have in mind my past experiences and knowing how they turned up, I reflect a second time, and even a third time if necessary!

In the world’s eyes, I’m not perfect… nor my husband. He had also his bad boy era! But there’s a thing… when I look in the mirror I see only my imperfections, but when he looks at me, I see my perfection in his eyes! I really hope I haven’t seen this in a movie or something because it sounds so good and I would love to see it as a quote on Facebook, signed by me! 🙂

I’m difficult for those around me, I have always been, as a child to my family, as a teenager to my best friend, and as a woman to my husband! I will never pretend that we don’t have problems in our marriage, but who doesn’t? And there are times when we disagree, there are times when we step on each other’s nerve and there are also times when sex is not enough and when it is, it’s not a Sexy Emmanuelle orgasm every time, and we threat with divorce and there are even times when I just want to lock him in a box where he can shut the fuck up!!! But then I imagine not opening that box and never see him again… and I start to suffocate! I can’t breathe if I imagine life without him!

I see myself an old woman… and there he is, right beside be, bubbling about something I did:) this is how I know he is the one for me! So, this is the best test for me! We’re WE… we’re special, we’re not a regular couple (yeah… I know, every couple thinks of themselves this way… what can we do, i’m not an alien, it’s normal to think like a human being), we don’t do stuff other couples do, we make fun of our internal gases, we love to eat a falafel on the step of a closed boutique in the Marais instead of entering inside the restaurant in front of us and we make our fat bellies dance imitating Baloo from The Jungle Book.

And the last but not the least is our daughter. If we have been capable of creating such a beautiful, intelligent, crazy and perfect creature (yeah, I know… every crow sees his baby as the perfect white dove:)), it has to mean something… I believe it is called love! It’s my love! And where love exists, compromises are called solutions! You don’t have to give up on anything, you just need to find a way to find yourselves in the middle. It doesn’t matter if you come from one way and the other one from another way, or if you come both from the same way. The important is to always find yourselves.

Don’t get lost in the spur of the moment. If bad words come on the top of your tongue, take a shot of water and keep it in your mouth until offenses are melted. It’s good to yell and say things you have on your chest but try not to offense! An offense came from the loved one hits a million time harder than a Kalashnikov. We say it’s only words, but be careful, the word is the most powerful instrument humanity has ever developed! Words kill just as they can heal! Be a healer instead of a killer :)… yeah, world peace also!!! 🙂

The final score in my dilemma? Well, let’s just say things sort it out for themselves… My in laws  went on shopping so I had spare time with my cousin…  boys from my band wanted the rehearsals in the afternoon, so faith took care of everything:) Sometimes you just need a bit of luck… and patience!!! 🙂

 

 


Scent vs. Taste

At the boutique where I work we serve Lasagnas and pastas a la Bolognese. Lasagnas I always loved, or at least their reputation. Back in my country, it’s not something you eat often. So, maybe it’s the fantasy I was mad about. On the other hand, Bolognese… bleah!!! Ground meat, tomato sauce… not something among my favorites.

Lasagnas, Bolognese and other stuff…

Part 1- other stuff…

The thing is… if you want to make time for you, you can sort it out somehow. I have been using all the pretexts and all the excuses in the world for not doing what I had in mind. Not having the time is the lowest excuse ever! If you love something real bad, you find the time! It doesn’t matter if it’s 5 minutes or 5 hours. It’s important to be all the time, ideally on a daily basis. Each and every day of our lives, it counts!

Imagine you’re on your death bed (even if it sound creepy… that day will come, except when you die in an accident, so you are not in your bed). You would do anything to have just one more day. I can’t even imagine how much it means one day! Lives change in one day! Destinies are written in one day. One day can make history! And examples are countless. Think that it was just one day, one moment when I don’t know what Slavic prince was killed and First World War has begun. It was one day when Hitler’s mother decided to get married and have Hitler and we all know how it went. Or, think of the day when Lady Diana died. That changed the course of history. Imagine if she would had lived and had a baby with Dodi… an Arab being the brother of the future king of Great Britain! I can only imagine the face of that castrated boiled rat of Charles and that infatuated non-fucked mother of his. And it was one day that changed everything.

Then why not appreciate every day I have? Why not make every day a celebration of life? Why not take advantage of all the days I have? I work hard every day, I’m there only for the money because living as a bohemian is no longer an option for me when I’m responsible for a little creature which is my baby. I start to realize that I’m in my comfort zone… but really, where’s the soul’s satisfaction? And I don’t understand one thing… why the fuck is it called comfort zone? If you’re comfortable in that situation, why leave it?

It’s true, I don’t have a lot of choices right now because of my immigrant status, but one day I’ll have done all my paperwork… What will I do? For the sake of my life, I hope I’ll wake up and have the courage to take the risk and find something else, even though, changes are not my things. I get attached, easily. It’s hard to let go. But since I’ve emigrated from my country, life has taught me things the hard way, so my ass is so kicked off that it has become senseless. Sometimes is good learning the hard way, I’ve said it before, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger (ok, I know, it’s someone else who said it before… who cares? … the message is important, not the messenger). So, ok, I don’t believe in this quit your job shit, I have a child to raise, a car to pay, I want to move out from my mom’s place… and my hubby is no Donald fucking Trump, he works hard for a shitty pay check! Welcome to immigrants’ club!

The question is… Can that stop me looking for another job? We’ll see by the end of the year if this goes… somewhere… over the rainbowJ

Part 2- Lasagnas Theory

So, I began writing about scent vs. taste. I know I left it unfinished but the important is I have started in the first place. There is no problem, look, I’m finishing now.

However, beginning things and never finish them that’s another thing.

I have mentioned the lasagnas. Let’s say I’ve drooled…literally, I’ve drooled about those lasagnas. The scent in the air, Good Lord, they were making me go crazy… pouring water in my mouth (saliva, actually). Once I said, what the fuck, I’ll bring two casseroles at home. I was having my band rehearsal so I didn’t want to eat in hurry. I wanted to have a special moment, with a glass of wine, candles…I’m joking with the candles. But I like making a special moment with something I love eating. I may say I have a sick cult of food…But that’s not important right now. So, I told my family I brought lasagnas. I said to myself I will eat in the morning.

Next day, I wake up, I go directly to the fridge, and … no lasagnas! What the fuck? Next second I hear my dear husband Oh, honey, you’ll be glad to know we eat until the very last bite, they were great the lasagnas! He knows I’m happy when he loves the food I cook/bring/buy, but the feeling I got! guess what? This time I felt like someone had just hit me… with a hammer… in the head! It’s like planning a hot date, and the other one doesn’t show up! Fuck, double fuck!

So, I remain with the lasagnas cravings. Every day the smell was killing me softly. Usually, we eat after lunch service, so if there is no lasagnas left I can go fuck myself! I had butterflies in my stomach when serving those lasagnas. I was like… horny over the lasagnas! I know, I’m weird with the food… but that is the word… horny!!!

Days went by… I was unfucked by the lasagnas and the desire was making my food hormones go crazy.  Till one day… the miracle was there. A holyday with not so much clients… so there were three lasagnas left… I couldn’t wait to take it home, so I just wanted there… at the table, right now! My own, juicy, greasy, hot lasagnas… my wonderful lasagnas… no foreplay, nothing… I went straight ahead with the first bite. I was hoping firework in my mouth and satisfaction in my stomach… I had one bite, two bites, three bites, like a savage… waiting for my taste papillary to start doing their job… and BOW!!!!…I hit my head so hard like fish jumping on a water bowl asphalt drawing. Nothing special, nothing that could give me that gastronomic orgasm I was expecting for. It’s like receiving a very big present box under the Christmas tree and inside you find only a pair of ordinary socks! That’s the feeling I got!

With the first occasion I got I went on a Chinese restaurant and got myself a healthy plate of noodles with all kinds of Ho Chi Min, Kung Fu, and Jackie Chan chicken and had my classic but sure orgasm!

Conclusion: Things aren’t always as they seem! Just because it’s pretty and shiny, and it smells good, doesn’t mean you hit the good stuff.

And I think that stands quite alright with people too. Or situations. I have high hopes usually. I trust people. I give them credit from the start. I don’t know why, considering today’s society where everybody will fuck you at some point (almost), but I do, I trust people. I want to believe the goodness in us still exists. And many times I’m disappointed. And I haven’t stop believing this. I do believe in humanity… still! I’m thrilled by new people, by new situations, new clothes… and I’ve never known why there or so many times when it turns to be not so good. And normally, then,  I feel bad. Disappointment is not the nicest thing in the world.  A person who seems nice is actually a snake, a situation can have many turn ups, and a dress you have dreamed for a month to have it makes your ass looks as big as Chinatown!

And over the years, I realized that I throw myself ahead without thinking. So, as Celine Dion says, Think Twice, would not be such a bad thing. First impression can fool you. I sometimes get so excited that my neurons are like… drunk. And when you’re drunk you usually call and text your ex… stuff like this that you regret when you wake up.

My point? Let myself a bit more time to know what I’m dealing with. Reflect before act. I think this would be a very mature thing to do. Accepting or not, I’m a young adult and as my best friend says: there are times when you simply cannot blame age, anymore. Wise words, my dear! Plus, reflecting before acting means not so many disappointing stuff, which results in happier life! Ta daa!!!

So, at the beginning of today’s post I’ve stated something: that you can always find time for the thing you love. Proof: The Lasagnas Theory was written entirely during a Saturday at the boutique. I have taken advantage of the Saturday’s quiet profile and I brought my notebook (a real one with sheets) and I wrote down between two clients! /

To be continued…