Up at 7 o’clock, prepare the kid for school, prepare yourself for work, go to work, come home, do the chores, spent time with the kid, go shopping, go to rehearsal, come home, prepare the next day, download a bunch of self-confidence crap and you don’t know how time passes without doing nothing special for yourself. If all days are like this, when on earth you could find the time to work out??? (That crossed my mind because Friday I bought myself a jogging costume on sale and I really want to use it!). I’m no freakin’ Wonder Woman! Sometimes I just need some time to myself…
I know it’s not Friday today, but this is the story that came to my mind for today…
That moment when I must choose between family and career… what will it be? I remember one time when I felt a lot of tension between me and my hubby right there next me who prefered to watch a scandal show than sort things out…
The end of January
Nobody wants to open the subject I brought up earlier on the phone, during my rehearsals. Next week his family comes visit us. The problem? I can’t stay for the family dinner nor take them to the airport as planned, both because rehearsal planning! Is not that I’m crazy about them, but I know it is important to my husband.
Sometimes, I don’t like things my husband appreciate, but if it’s important to him, they matter also for me… but what do I do, when his priorities overcome mine? That’s an answer I have searched for a long time? Is this love? You give up your priorities for your partner’s? But who decides who gives up on what! He might give up as well? What the fuck will we do? We’re gonna pick the short straw? I think this chapter is called Compromises! The question is… who does what when? Fucking complicated! Everyone should do what gives him pleasure… why there must be compromises? Each of us thinks that his thing is more important than the other’s. Honestly, I’ll be even more cliché and say that the key is communication… not right now, maybe 🙂 it’s pretty tense right now. After a good night sleep, everything seems clearer! /
After a good night sleep…
…Tension has grown! Let’s say we had a stormy morning! Yelling is our family sport! Some say that yelling is not nice, neighbors hear you, the child sees you and so on. I couldn’t agree…… less! I believe yelling is damn good! Yelling releases the tension! Yelling sets free the anger inside! You yell at each other a couple of minutes and that’s it. Yelling needs a lot of energy, so, unless you’re a long distance runner, I believe couple of minutes of yelling are enough to take your breath away! I really do believe that tension kept inside can cause serious damage. A later implosion is what we call a heart attack! Let it all out! If I have something to say to my husband, it must be said! This is communication! If you leave things unsaid, it’s going to get harder and harder to be said! If you want to avoid big yelling, let the small yelling take place.
So, I was questioning compromises. Should they exist in relationship? Is there a relationship without compromises? What’s the ideal relationship? Clearly, it doesn’t exist such a thing like ideal… something, except for me :)!
I build my own ideal and it’s perfect for me! There is a saying: you are unique, just like the rest of the world! The fact that we’re unique is the sole characteristic we all have in common! Paradox, ah? Many times I wondered… how do I know that my husband is the one for me? Let’s say I was no Virgin Mary before marriage, and I have lived all the Hollywood teenage movies experiences and life has never stopped giving me precious lessons.
I have made mistakes, but I’m proud to say that I have learned from my mistakes. Every time I am about to do a stupid thing, I have in mind my past experiences and knowing how they turned up, I reflect a second time, and even a third time if necessary!
In the world’s eyes, I’m not perfect… nor my husband. He had also his bad boy era! But there’s a thing… when I look in the mirror I see only my imperfections, but when he looks at me, I see my perfection in his eyes! I really hope I haven’t seen this in a movie or something because it sounds so good and I would love to see it as a quote on Facebook, signed by me! 🙂
I’m difficult for those around me, I have always been, as a child to my family, as a teenager to my best friend, and as a woman to my husband! I will never pretend that we don’t have problems in our marriage, but who doesn’t? And there are times when we disagree, there are times when we step on each other’s nerve and there are also times when sex is not enough and when it is, it’s not a Sexy Emmanuelle orgasm every time, and we threat with divorce and there are even times when I just want to lock him in a box where he can shut the fuck up!!! But then I imagine not opening that box and never see him again… and I start to suffocate! I can’t breathe if I imagine life without him!
I see myself an old woman… and there he is, right beside be, bubbling about something I did:) this is how I know he is the one for me! So, this is the best test for me! We’re WE… we’re special, we’re not a regular couple (yeah… I know, every couple thinks of themselves this way… what can we do, i’m not an alien, it’s normal to think like a human being), we don’t do stuff other couples do, we make fun of our internal gases, we love to eat a falafel on the step of a closed boutique in the Marais instead of entering inside the restaurant in front of us and we make our fat bellies dance imitating Baloo from The Jungle Book.
And the last but not the least is our daughter. If we have been capable of creating such a beautiful, intelligent, crazy and perfect creature (yeah, I know… every crow sees his baby as the perfect white dove:)), it has to mean something… I believe it is called love! It’s my love! And where love exists, compromises are called solutions! You don’t have to give up on anything, you just need to find a way to find yourselves in the middle. It doesn’t matter if you come from one way and the other one from another way, or if you come both from the same way. The important is to always find yourselves.
Don’t get lost in the spur of the moment. If bad words come on the top of your tongue, take a shot of water and keep it in your mouth until offenses are melted. It’s good to yell and say things you have on your chest but try not to offense! An offense came from the loved one hits a million time harder than a Kalashnikov. We say it’s only words, but be careful, the word is the most powerful instrument humanity has ever developed! Words kill just as they can heal! Be a healer instead of a killer :)… yeah, world peace also!!! 🙂
The final score in my dilemma? Well, let’s just say things sort it out for themselves… My in laws went on shopping so I had spare time with my cousin… boys from my band wanted the rehearsals in the afternoon, so faith took care of everything:) Sometimes you just need a bit of luck… and patience!!! 🙂