Tag Archives: relationship

Have you ever been in love?

They say sometimes you gotta let go the past In order to live your present… but how can you, when everything you miss the most is that same past?

Not rarely I have seen people anchored in the past. Anchored in past realities that no longer stand for today. Relationships are by far the best working sheet to observe this phenomenon. How can a relationship pass the time test? How can two people update themselves in the same time in order to keep the fire going? Or when do you decide that your life lanes are no longer on the same path?

Today, divorces rates are higher than anytime in history. Society is developing so fast in so many ways, that sometimes we lose sight of primordial needs. What is with people today that they quit so easily upon a marriage? Instead of taking advantage of today’s resources, it seems to me that those exact resources are provoking the exact opposite of what they should be doing. Health, education, culture, access to information, freedom of speech, women’s emancipation, those should be beneficial factors to a better life, instead it seems to ruin what they should built stronger. Time runs faster and we don’t have the patience to repair what’s broken, and many times we choose to replace something that has only a scratch. Why?

Returning to relationships, I see my grandparents’ generation in a totally different view with my generation today. They sworn until death takes them apart and they stuck with that promise. For good and for worse. And that’s not necessarily always about remaining in love like in the first day. It’s more to that. It’s about a solid partnership that stand in storm together, it’s about completing each other in times of need, it’s about building a strong family that overpasses any obstacle. They choose to repair when something gets broken. Because not everything new is necessarily better or improved. It’s just new! And history teach us that trends come and go, but classics remain immortals. Just take a look at an antique furniture. It will always have a greater value than any modern piece. That antique furniture may be full of scratches, but every single scratch tells a story. It comes with an accumulated energy that no new thing may acquire. And sometimes even those scratches can be reconditioned. So, why can’t we apply the same principles to relationships? Why are we so fascinated by new stuff? Why can’t we value what we already have? Why can’t we update ourselves by removing the signs of time? What’s the Botox for our relationships’ wrinkles? Do we let go of the past? Do we search for the present? Or is it just an excuse to keep fighting?

In order to live the present we have to accept the past, not letting go of it!

Well, first of all, I think the pollution for relationships today it’s society high speed evolution today. We forgot how to be patient. We want it all, we want it now. If it doesn’t get better by next week, we consider it done. Just like any diet. Why do we quit? Because we wanna see the result immediately. In one week we want to lose fat accumulated in one year. That’s not possible, but our brains today are used to be one click away from everything. With one click, you get face to face from China to America, with one click you do your shopping, with one click your dinner, with one click you do almost everything today; fortunately, love remains more than just a click away.

But to be in love, is to understand first what love is. Love is not an illusion, love is not what makes Hollywood movies be drama blockbusters. Love is not just falling for someone. Love is not that screaming orgasm in that sexual act. Love is not only the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, love is not lust or desire. Love is more than a late motive.

Love is more than yourself, love is what makes humanity exist. Love is in everything you wish to see blooming. Love is wanting to share your life in every possible way with someone who will always be there no matter how many scratches you’ll have. Love will change in desire to protect. Love will wipe your tears away when you are down and it’ll pick you up and learn you how to walk again. Love will empower you to stand on the edge of the greatest heights without being afraid. Love will warm your heart you when you are cold as ice. Love will still see the beauty in you even when your demons will come out. Love will vanish those demons and bring light back in your life. Love will be patient, just like the Bible says, to rebuilt over and over again what has been destroyed. Love is what makes the sun rise even after the longest night.

So let me ask you, have you ever been in love?

 

 


Freaky Friday

Mondays

Up at 7 o’clock, prepare the kid for school, prepare yourself for work, go to work, come home, do the chores, spent time with the kid, go shopping, go to rehearsal, come home, prepare the next day, download a bunch of self-confidence crap and you don’t know how time passes without doing nothing special for yourself. If all days are like this, when on earth you could find the time to work out??? (That crossed my mind because Friday I bought myself a jogging costume on sale and I really want to use it!). I’m no freakin’ Wonder Woman! Sometimes I just need some time to myself…

I know it’s not Friday today, but this is the story that came to my mind for today…

That moment when I must choose between family and career… what will it be? I remember one time when I felt a lot of tension between me and my hubby right there next me who prefered to watch a scandal show than sort things out…

The end of January

Nobody wants to open the subject I brought up earlier on the phone, during my rehearsals. Next week his family comes visit us. The problem? I can’t stay for the family dinner nor take them to the airport as planned, both because rehearsal planning! Is not that I’m crazy about them, but I know it is important to my husband.

Sometimes, I don’t like things my husband appreciate, but if it’s important to him, they matter also for me… but what do I do, when his priorities overcome mine? That’s an answer I have searched for a long time? Is this love? You give up your priorities for your partner’s? But who decides who gives up on what! He might give up as well? What the fuck will we do? We’re gonna pick the short straw? I think this chapter is called Compromises! The question is… who does what when? Fucking complicated! Everyone should do what gives him pleasure… why there must be compromises? Each of us thinks that his thing is more important than the other’s. Honestly, I’ll be even more cliché and say that the key is communication… not right now, maybe 🙂 it’s pretty tense right now. After a good night sleep, everything seems clearer! /

After a good night sleep…

…Tension has grown! Let’s say we had a stormy morning! Yelling is our family sport! Some say that yelling is not nice, neighbors hear you, the child sees you and so on. I couldn’t agree…… less! I believe yelling is damn good! Yelling releases the tension! Yelling sets free the anger inside! You yell at each other a couple of minutes and that’s it. Yelling needs a lot of energy, so, unless you’re a long distance runner, I believe couple of minutes of yelling are enough to take your breath away! I really do believe that tension kept inside can cause serious damage. A later implosion is what we call a heart attack! Let it all out! If I have something to say to my husband, it must be said! This is communication! If you leave things unsaid, it’s going to get harder and harder to be said! If you want to avoid big yelling, let the small yelling take place.

So, I was questioning compromises. Should they exist in relationship? Is there a relationship without compromises? What’s the ideal relationship? Clearly, it doesn’t exist such a thing like ideal… something, except for me :)!

I build my own ideal and it’s perfect for me! There is a saying: you are unique, just like the rest of the world! The fact that we’re unique is the sole characteristic we all have in common! Paradox, ah? Many times I wondered… how do I know that my husband is the one for me? Let’s say I was no Virgin Mary before marriage, and I have lived all the Hollywood teenage movies experiences and life has never stopped giving me precious lessons.

I have made mistakes, but I’m proud to say that I have learned from my mistakes. Every time I am about to do a stupid thing, I have in mind my past experiences and knowing how they turned up, I reflect a second time, and even a third time if necessary!

In the world’s eyes, I’m not perfect… nor my husband. He had also his bad boy era! But there’s a thing… when I look in the mirror I see only my imperfections, but when he looks at me, I see my perfection in his eyes! I really hope I haven’t seen this in a movie or something because it sounds so good and I would love to see it as a quote on Facebook, signed by me! 🙂

I’m difficult for those around me, I have always been, as a child to my family, as a teenager to my best friend, and as a woman to my husband! I will never pretend that we don’t have problems in our marriage, but who doesn’t? And there are times when we disagree, there are times when we step on each other’s nerve and there are also times when sex is not enough and when it is, it’s not a Sexy Emmanuelle orgasm every time, and we threat with divorce and there are even times when I just want to lock him in a box where he can shut the fuck up!!! But then I imagine not opening that box and never see him again… and I start to suffocate! I can’t breathe if I imagine life without him!

I see myself an old woman… and there he is, right beside be, bubbling about something I did:) this is how I know he is the one for me! So, this is the best test for me! We’re WE… we’re special, we’re not a regular couple (yeah… I know, every couple thinks of themselves this way… what can we do, i’m not an alien, it’s normal to think like a human being), we don’t do stuff other couples do, we make fun of our internal gases, we love to eat a falafel on the step of a closed boutique in the Marais instead of entering inside the restaurant in front of us and we make our fat bellies dance imitating Baloo from The Jungle Book.

And the last but not the least is our daughter. If we have been capable of creating such a beautiful, intelligent, crazy and perfect creature (yeah, I know… every crow sees his baby as the perfect white dove:)), it has to mean something… I believe it is called love! It’s my love! And where love exists, compromises are called solutions! You don’t have to give up on anything, you just need to find a way to find yourselves in the middle. It doesn’t matter if you come from one way and the other one from another way, or if you come both from the same way. The important is to always find yourselves.

Don’t get lost in the spur of the moment. If bad words come on the top of your tongue, take a shot of water and keep it in your mouth until offenses are melted. It’s good to yell and say things you have on your chest but try not to offense! An offense came from the loved one hits a million time harder than a Kalashnikov. We say it’s only words, but be careful, the word is the most powerful instrument humanity has ever developed! Words kill just as they can heal! Be a healer instead of a killer :)… yeah, world peace also!!! 🙂

The final score in my dilemma? Well, let’s just say things sort it out for themselves… My in laws  went on shopping so I had spare time with my cousin…  boys from my band wanted the rehearsals in the afternoon, so faith took care of everything:) Sometimes you just need a bit of luck… and patience!!! 🙂