Confidence!

It is said that a really ugly woman walks in to a room full of people and she feels confident and beautiful, then everybody will see her like that! What’s the logic in this? Well, none… you might say. But I think that’s a subject that has nothing to do with logic… but with energy. Well, I as I posted in my New Year resolutions, I want to lose weight. That’s means I’m no fucking Cindy Crawford. Let’s just say that I’m a bit rubensian (as in Rubens’ paintings with curvy women).

Oh, what a fuck… I’m fat! For today standards!!! That is the true! My BMI is much higher than it should be! But I manage to dress up and fool the eye with at least 10 kg! Some say I’m damn sexy, some would really want to fuck me (especially the middle aged) but unfortunately the truth is I’m a bit plus sized, I get tired easily and I have a history of diabetes in the family so, losing weight would not be such a bad thing and I’m sure I could be more fuckable. Even though I was skinny and all that shit, some said that my charm was lost also along with the kg. Ok, too much bla bla bla, the point is something else.  I’m sure you all have read about self-confidence and its results. Really, I thought that’s the biggest bullshit ever! But guess what? It’s not! Yeah, the shit really works!

As a plus size girl, getting dress every morning can be a real mission impossible 137. There are days when I love myself. I’m dressed 5*, nice and clean makeup, pretty hair, I feel thin and sexy and all they long I hear how beautiful I am and not only from the guys, chicks also. I had once female client. Not a regular, just from time to time. She comes in and she begins to stare at me.

She tells me what she wants, and she continues to stare at me.

So, she stares and she smiles…and she tells me: “You are very beautiful. Honestly! And don’t take it wrong, I’m not gay or anything.” We started to laugh, she thank me, end of story! So, you see, when your confident, when you feel beautiful, even people who surround you start to look at you this way. But, in the same time, there is always the vice versa. You can be buried in gold and silver, have only designers’ clothes on you and wear Jimmy Choo, if you don’t like, others we’ll see it! And even the stylist of all stylist comes to you and dresses you up, if you don’t feel good, you won’t look good. And that’s a fact. I don’t speak from books, or sites, I speak from my own experience. If I feel sexy, everyone around me sees me sexy and I get a lot of compliments, I feel good and I have a great day. Everything starts in the morning with what I’m wearing and how my hair and makeup are done. And I kick ass! If I feel that the jeans I put on make my but look fat, I think of that aspect all day long, I can’t concentrate on my work, I get depressed and I have a shitty day!

Conclusion: look your best day and feel good! How? Be being how you like it! If you like that old pair of jean from high school ( I know it’s impossible to believe that there is anyone who could fit, but trust me, I know couple of persons, so, yeah… not a myth  ), then wear it! Your tastes are not on the same page with today’s trends? Fuck them! Trend is what fits you, not some photoshoped models. There are some years when they say blue it’s the color. I hate blue! What should I do? Wear blue just because is the new trend?? Fuck it! Fuck it all! Stand up! Wear a big pooh on your head if that suits you and you think is the best for you! Think logical… what can go wrong if you let yourself be the way you want it??

Let’s see… family? Most families accept their members as they are, even if sometimes parents have difficulties in accepting piercings or tattoos, but I haven’t seen anybody kicked out because of a tattoo. I see emo type of kids who are living under their parent’s roof. So, even if they don’t like your style, they have to go along. If you’re under 18, they are even obliged…by the law. If you’re older, than you supposed to move out or go away to college. If you still live with your parents, I’m pretty sure you are not the type of a “stand out” style, and in that case that’s a…win-win situation! Good!

Next… friends! Well, with friends I have a really nice story to tell. It is not about weight or shit like that. It’s way deeper! It’s not my story, but the morale of it can be helpful. So, I have a client, she’s a neighbor who comes in every day to have her coffee with her best friends. She’s in her late 60s I believe. A retired painting restoration artist and one of the most optimistic person I have known. I started to discover her story, step by step. During summer she came in every afternoon to chat with me, as her best friend went on a holiday, so, I believe she needed to continue her habit to have a chat with someone every day! I loved listening, she loved talking, so we made a good team! I didn’t know anything about her or her life, but I was intrigued every time she was telling me that she has to go see her son at the hospital. She was telling me that as if I knew the whole story. I was working there for about 2 months, so, knowing the neighborhood was at its beginning. I knew nothing at all… There were times when she was telling me that she’s too tired that day so she’ll go another day. I was thinking what the fuck is wrong with her. When your son is in the hospital, you go every day! You sleep there if you have too. Always in a good move, always with a big smile on her face, no worries at all, so what on earth is happening here? Then, one day she tells me something that I didn’t understand right away. She said that her son helped her clean out her friends! This sentence blurred me even more. What was she saying with this? What could that means?

So, days went by… I was hearing a lot of her childhood stories, like always, in a good mood, and I was still curious about her son. And, suddenly, one day, I found out. Her son was paralyzed practically since he was born and not able to talk, because of a virus he got from the hospital. He stayed with her until teenage years but afterwards it became so difficult for her to take care of him, as she was getting older, he was getting bigger… so she decides to put him in a special institution. And she told me that most of her friends, or better said, so called friends, they couldn’t accept the idea of a handicapped child, so little by little they got farther and farther. She had the support of just a few friends and she still has it. She told me that raising a handicapped child was not what the easiest thing in the world. Being her only child, makes things even worse. I can only imagine the sufferance and the pain she has gone through. And with all that, she tells me that her son was the best thing that could ever happened to her. Why? Because she saw who she could count on, she realized who her friends were. It mustn’t be forgotten the circle she was in to. The artist world can be beautiful, but sometimes hypocrisy is an artist middle name.

And to finish this story, I just found out a couple of days ago the entire history. So, she was never married, she never wanted children (that’s a habit among solitary artists, so I’m not surprised) and at the age of 43 she fell in love with an orchestra chef, she got pregnant and she decides to keep the child for her lover. So, she goes over her principles of not having children for him, even though having a child 43 is quite risky. They don’t get married for the moment waiting the child to be born. And when the love find out his child has a problem, he took off, leaving her alone with a sick child. So, I can easily assume what kind of man he was. Better off without him! But she did not gave up. She could have institutionalized her son, and continue her life. But she hasn’t done that. She kept her moral and her strength and she continued her life with all the stuff in it. I hope someone else find this as interesting as I do.

So, my point was… being you, as you really are can help you clean out your closet of friends. I’m not referring only to style or clothes or your favorite music, I’m talking about everything. I’m talking about not being ashamed of talking to your friends about your dreams, silly as they sound, burst down in tears at the end of a movie without pretending (in a very obvious way) that you got something in your eye, or even admitting that you jerk off in the shower from time to time (even though I think your best friend doesn’t really want to know this particular and intimate detail).

You know, many times we read on line, mostly on Facebook, amazing stories about amazing people. But I, personally, always believed there is some fiction in it. But, the truth is, there are amazing people on this world. And they really do amazing things. And they have the strength to carry on, real strength! We see movies, we read books, we see on line, but that doesn’t touch us as much as when we hear a real story from the person in front of us! I always was a movie passionate, so character’s life seemed so impressive that I thought that could not happen in real life. But you know what? Real life beats all the movies in the world. I have so many stories in my mind right now, that I won’t know what to start with tomorrow. My own stories, my family stories, my friends’ stories, my clients’ stories and above all, the story I live every day.  And this is want I want to write about! Life!

So, I covered up friends and family… that leaves us with society! Yeah… I would like to say now, fuck society, who gives a shit on society? But I’m no hypocrite… As much as I want to ignore society and be a rebel… I can’t… actually, I care more about society than I would like to, but that’s another story and tomorrow is another day! /

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