Yesterday after I have finished writing, I couldn’t sleep. It was stuck on my mind what I had wrote about weight and me believing that most of my problems comes from my weight issues.
We live in a society where the wrap is everything. I won’t be a hypocrite and say that I have a solid opinion about weight like… be proud of your curves. The only thing solid here is my body. So, most of my days are haunted by my weight frustrations. Who isn’t these days? I like to eat, I’m a sugar addict, and I’m the slave of food! Actually, it goes like this. I wish to be thin. It is the obsession of my life. To be thin. To be able to wear everything. Any color, any type of clothes. But that’s hard to achieve when you are me. I tend to associate any event, big or small, with food. For me food and sugar and even a bit of alcohol are life’s little pleasures. I cannot imagine a night out with my husband without eating, or a day in bed without sugary, a road trip without a picnic, a walk in a park without a snack, everything I associate with food and drink. Even the smallest occasion I want to celebrate it with food. It’s a culture. It’s a disease.So, losing weight turns out to be the hardest thing in the whole world.
I’m sorry. I’m trying and I’m trying to stay focused, but I’m really tired, so, writing about food and my weight problems would not be the most inspiring thing. Why should I force myself? A little angel on one shoulder tells me that this is how champions are born. By pushing their limits, by going over the edge, (sliding in the same time images with Rocky Balboa climbing the famous stairs) not by quitting at the very first sign of fatigue. And of course there is also the little devil’s voice who is singing me a lullaby. Not even trying to convince me of anything… just a sweet lullaby 🙂
So, my weight? I’m not happy with my body… But, there are times when my clothes are so tight and black that they make me feel thinner. So, I’m confident and all the garbage men are whistling behind me. And I become more confident. I feel sexy! I look on one or two plus size model, read an article, and voilà, a perfect day :). Too bad, that’s so rare I cannot even remember. So, I’m struggling to find the solutions. To lose weight or to feel good in my own shape?
I think that this subject needs a lot of time and silence, two vital elements which are not my high point right now so I think I’ll just postponed this issue.
Sorry, we’re not super writers every day! /